Pearlyn ♥

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2012-02-03T00:22:00.002+08:00

How did it die out? When it wasn't suppose to? What killed the love we once had? What exactly? Looking back all those photos, I can't help but wonder what happened. Love endures all things trusts all things and never delights in evil right? It's suppose to endure all things, all things, what was that even suppose to be then? What am I feeling right now?

Objectively

2012-02-02T15:44:00.002+08:00

It's gonna hurt, but it's gonna work.

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2012-01-31T17:27:00.003+08:00

Dragging myself back to the start is no easy feat, it's not that I don't want to go back, but it's just so tedious, but I'll try and try and try again because I know that at the end of the day, it's going to be worth it, I want to feel the happiness that I once felt so very long ago, the calmness and serenity in my heart. Something inside us must die in order to make way for something new.

We can only help others once we are able to stand on our own two feet, if not we'll just be stumbling over each other, and rolling around aimlessly.

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2012-01-29T00:48:00.003+08:00

It's time to face the music, after more than a year of rusting inside, I'm ready to clean the mess. The biggest step to recovery starts tomorrow, and yet everything feels so uncertain and so... messed up. I'm messed up. I've messed up. Life is like a constant battle, you just need to be well prepared and equipped for the right occasions. Do I even make sense? hahaha, temporal reliefs are just so tempting. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

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2012-01-27T01:13:00.003+08:00

We can only love unconditionally once we have no fear in our hearts.

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2012-01-26T16:27:00.003+08:00

It's never a steady climb up, there will always be obstacles along the way. The trick is to conquer them and not allow any form of temptation to hinder your progress, and that's where faith and forgiveness are necessary.

Lovers to friends.

2012-01-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

Words alone can't describe how I'm feeling right now, but all I know is that I'm thankful that you've agreed to let go. I pray and hope for the best for you, and I'll always be here, no matter what.

(:

2012-01-23T13:18:00.001+08:00

And I'm finally learning how to love again. It's been a while since I felt this happy. Yes I know you're reading this (;

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2012-01-22T12:50:00.002+08:00

Trust is like a mirror, and this mirror is in ruins.

Here in your arms

2012-01-18T15:11:00.003+08:00

If it's meant to be, these feelings won't fade. If these feelings fade, then it was never meant to be.

I'll never forget the memories we shared.

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2012-01-17T14:59:00.001+08:00

"Life based on pleasure is just an empty life with no happiness nor meaning, but why do we still strive for it anyway? It is because it seems most tangible and easiest to grasp hold of? Starting on the wrong foot is just like taking one step into your grave."

Haha wrote this more than 2 years ago, it's funny how I think I was more mature last time as compared to now.
I'm stronger, but more messed up.

I'm really not the same anymore.

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2012-01-16T11:09:00.002+08:00

Did I underestimate my importance? Am I letting go of something that could be what I always wanted? I'm confused, lost, and I can't seem to find my way back. Acknowledgement is the first step to recovery right? I can't get you out of my head, I can't get this out of my head, and I can't let go. Is there even a chance for redemption? Skepticism is getting the best of me, is it worth the risk? Is it cause I appear to be easy? I promised to change and then what happened?

I need some time alone.
I need to fix myself.

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2012-01-15T14:45:00.002+08:00

Last year was crazy, this year is worse.
I can't keep living like this, I need to go back to the faith that used to hold me up so high.

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2012-01-14T19:05:00.002+08:00

I'm not the same girl anymore, I am not, and I don't think I ever will be.
Let's just wait and see.

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2012-01-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

Okay Pearlyn, mind over matter. Mind over matter, you've gotta be firm and you better not repeat the same mistake twice, it's a feeling you'll remember for the rest of your life but you've gotta leave everything up to fate because you don't have a choice nor say in this or you would rather think that way 'cause making a decision just makes you feel like literally setting your head on fire (though it already kinda is right now). Possibilities give you hope and make you wonder, all you need to do is eradicate everything that you've imagined and censor whatever that's coming.

Unforgettable

2012-01-13T02:01:00.001+08:00

Fill in the blanks.

2012-01-07T02:59:00.002+08:00

Can't fucking fall sleep, maybe 2012 is getting back at me for creating a mess out of 2011. Hahahahahahaha so funny.

New year resolutions

2011-12-31T15:12:00.005+08:00

1. Tone up
2. Quit clubbing so much (the month of December has been ridiculous)
3. Start being a good girlfriend (again)
4. Learn how to forgive and forget
5. Start taking care of my body
6. Stop drinking so much
7. Start prioritizing

I swear the past few weeks, or rather months,
have been ridiculously insane.

We all learn through experience.
I need a new beginning

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2011-12-26T23:46:00.004+08:00

Fuck emotional roller coasters, and fuck superficiality. UGH the more you suppress an urge the greater it beckons. And what the fuck? I can't stand it when people say things they don't mean, ya we all aren't perfect and neither are we always 'real' but seriously? And fuck, it's not like I'm perfect anyway, so what gives me the right to complain??!?! And then I think to myself, why can't I just be double standard like everyone else anyway?!? Does it even matter?!?!! Ranting doesn't solve anything either right? harhar I'm sucha walking irony.

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2011-12-23T04:07:00.002+08:00

I'm entering a whole new realm of..... I don't know. There's too much running through my head, and this year has been helluva erratic. I can't believe 2011 is already coming to an end. I won't talk about how fast time flies cause that's just life so it's no point repeating myself.

No word in the dictionary can describe how I'm feeling right now.
Or is it just my ID playing games with my Ego?
hahaha like my friend once said
"fuck ya'll psychology students la"
HAHAHA time to stop thinking.

2011-12-23T01:16:00.002+08:00

In the middle of september we still played out in the rain, with nothing to lose but everything to gain

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2011-12-19T01:41:00.003+08:00

Old habits don't die hard, they never die.
OMG SO MUCH TO RANT ABOUT !@@#$%
I am seriously not cut out for studying.
I MISS DRAMA

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2011-12-14T21:15:00.002+08:00

Two willing, too willing.
I can't believe this.

Anyway VADDAFUG
Lifespan essay - this Friday MORNING
Shogun's friends club party - This Saturday (uh-oh this means I'll be dead on Sunday)
Forensic Lit Review - Next Monday
Lab Report - Next Tuesday MORNING

And I'm like only HALFWAY DONE WITH LIFESPAN.
I should just fling myself out the nearest window.

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2011-12-12T20:59:00.004+08:00

Damn lethargic, been having exercise deprivation. Losing focus of what's important because it's just so far away. I need to come to terms with the fact that I'll never stop chasing superficiality because no matter how hard I try, I'm just too susceptible to all these temptations, so why not just live with no regrets? What's wrong with being true to yourself? it's better than suppressing all these wants. Let's go Pearlyn, you just gotta make sure you don't lose yourself along the way.

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2011-12-08T00:25:00.000+08:00

Stats wasn't so bad, face is getting better, but there's much more left to clear. You can't have the best of both worlds can you?

hmm.

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2011-12-05T13:12:00.002+08:00

k, my face is a disaster, thanks to Saturday's wasted night. I can't remember what the fuck happened and I slept with my make up on. I had facial on Thursday. I've got a dinner to attend tonight and a test at 9 am tomorrow. How fucked can this get? And not to mention everything else that's been pounding in the back of my head. Nevermind, mind over matter, and omg Pearlyn you can't afford to fuck stats up, though you're probably going to tomorrow. UGH. phail.

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2011-12-02T23:18:00.004+08:00

It's weighing me down like a ticking bomb, I feel like setting it on fire. Everything you said is still ringing in my head, just 'cause I'm not observant enough? That's enough to affect me. Sometimes it's just so fucking tiring to care 'cause it drains a hell load of emotions out of you. Why care when I know some people are just insincere? Yet I find myself struggling when it comes to caring for the people who matter most to me.

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2011-11-29T01:27:00.004+08:00

I don't know what is it
that makes me want you so badly.
I don't know what is it
that makes you want to hold on so tightly.
I don't think I'm worth this pain,
I'm leaving this game.
You won't be sorry,
'cause who you truly want
won't ultimately be me.

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2011-11-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

Here we go again.

2011-11-25T22:08:00.001+08:00

Thankful for what I have. Just needa buck up when it comes to school.... Omgzzzz ):

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2011-11-21T01:42:00.003+08:00

Running helped. But it didn't get rid of the mess I made. If I make a choice I've gotta stick to it. I just need to suck it up and deal with the consequences. How many times have I been down this road? I'm gonna miss us quite terribly but there's nothing much I can do.

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2011-11-20T21:48:00.003+08:00

Can't figure out what the fuck all this is about, too much shit to handle and too much baggage to carry. Fucking tired and fucking wasted. I need a good run and a clear mind.

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2011-11-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

I can't believe it came to this, I'm a wreck and I've been taking things for granted terribly. There's still this deeply embedded fear that will never ever go away. Things can never go back to the beginning, and I love the memories very much. But in this life you've gotta lose some to gain some right? Hahaha this post is so incoherent and I'm tired of thinking through everything that's happening around me.

Exams and assignments are coming soon and it's time for me to shift focus.

Nevertheless, I'm very thankful for what you've done for me, and the happiness you brought.

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2011-11-13T00:45:00.002+08:00

I'm turning into an exercise freak again, this is bad. I'm terrible at prioritizing. Sian. Everything's so messy ): on a lighter note, thank You you and you for everything.

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2011-11-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

Burning bridges baby. And burning fats too (;

2011-11-09T19:31:00.003+08:00

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. I need to go back to who I was, I need to go back. I must go back.

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2011-11-09T00:07:00.003+08:00

DIdn't you learn from your mistakes Pearlyn? Seriously, history is repeating itself, and this stings so much worse than before. So much for never making the same mistakes.

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2011-11-06T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm thankful for the blessings bestowed upon me. But there's something very amiss. I want to go back but it really feels like it's a dead end. Like I've reached a point of no return.

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2011-11-02T19:55:00.002+08:00

I've fallen victim to my own emotions and I'm bursting at the seams. Dug my own grave and fucked up my own dreams. Nevermind, when there's a will there's a way. Right?

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2011-10-31T00:20:00.004+08:00

hahahah I can't fucking believe this, HAHAHAHAHAHAH omg I just hoped for passes and I got much more than expected HAHAHAHAHAHA omfg, despite all the slacking after the first 1 month of the trimester I actually still made it. And I didn't even concentrate properly while studying omfg, hahahahaha it's not fantastic but omfg if I'd studied hard enough then I should've be able to do pretty well! HAHAHAHAHHAA
and we didn't even submit our Anthropology group write up.

Fuck complacency HAHAHAH

ok fuck, Pearlyn, stop being so complacent, you need a distinction average for level 3 mods if you want your honours, and you're taking stats now and you must get at least an average of credit for your level 2 subs hahaha CANNOT SLACK ANYMORE PEARLYN PUA.

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2011-10-30T15:50:00.002+08:00

No point regretting on what's been done, I usually try my best to look at what has happened in a different light, this time's a little different though. Everything's stacking up and I can't seem to find the light, not even a shimmer. I lost myself somewhere along the way and I never thought I would stray this far, or dig a hole so deep. Digging itself has sucked the life out of me, how am I suppose to get out now? What was I searching for anyway?

Down on my knees,
I thought I was stronger.

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2011-10-30T13:46:00.000+08:00

I'll keep you my dirty little secret.

Fade into me

2011-10-28T08:48:00.001+08:00

Fade into you, two of us melting together until we become something new, we can escape and watch the world find us, both of us hidden from view. If you fade into me.

2011-10-26T23:49:00.002+08:00

Wl my fats piling again. I vant my hot body leh ); ugh wai my bf no wake up t send me hme nw.

So disoriented these days.

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2011-10-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

That's it, I'm just gonna blame the period for the shit throbbing in my head ):

Sigh, hungry leh, craving durian HAHAHHA

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2011-10-25T02:47:00.004+08:00

I'm like perpetually hungry nowadays cause I'm trying my best to eat healthy and burn those flabzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I'm like made for junk food, siriusly.

Looking back at FB posts, oh God.
it pisses me off to know how naive I was,
and it pisses me off to know that I actually allowed it to get to me,
and it pisses me of even more to know that this event has unleashed the inner bitch in me like never before.

Not worth my fucking time man,
but it still rings in my head every damn fucking day

Ugh, nevermind, I will deal with it.

Who are we to judge anyway? I'm not God and neither are you.

But I kind of like DGAF right now.
All you ever thought about was yourself, and no one else.

Kk HHAHAHA like I said, the inner bitch in me is itching for a bitchfight now, and I'm holding on to it's leash as tightly as possible.

I could go on and on and on and on...
but no, not worth my saliva, or my frustration.

Zen Pearlyn, zen..

Don't tell me I meant something to you when I was obviously just someone you needed, and not cared about.

ugh, knnbccbabcdefg man.
Fucking tired of being pissed and pissed at myself for being fannoyed and fangry, and God knows whatelse.

2011-10-24T13:30:00.000+08:00

Complete and utter lack of motivation as usual OMGG hahhahah

2011-10-24T02:07:00.002+08:00

Omfg I can't fall asleep. Ugh my second trimester begins at 12 and I'm so unprepared. Sigh. I need a good run ): I've decided to turn a blind eye towards certain events which are happening around me. Shall not piss myself off and maintain inner peace. Kthxbye

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2011-10-22T20:09:00.002+08:00

Speechless. Utterly speechless. Words alone would not be able to describe the amount of annoyance I'm feeling right now. K Pearlyn, whatever happened to your patience. I need God.

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2011-10-22T15:28:00.002+08:00

I need to stop allowing certain unecessary intentional remarks piss the fuck out of me. Seriously, stop lying to yourself and stop being so pretentious. Fucking tired of this bullshit and drama. Why do I waste my time reading things that will piss me off at the end of the day? Can't believe things actually turned out this way. What happened to love is patient and kind? We kinda forgot: Love's blind, deaf and dumb too.

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2011-10-19T02:58:00.002+08:00

When there's nothing left to say, what can I do?
There are too many goals I want to achieve, as always.
Too many distractions, as always.

Frustration comes when you're no longer a child.

Hahaha how apt.
And there's only so much I can do.

Where's the faith I used to hold onto so dearly?
I miss what I had and who I once was.

Not really thinking straight again, as always.

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2011-10-17T18:38:00.001+08:00

OMG absolutely no motivation for ANYTHING hahahaha I feel like I'm on some neverending rollercoaster, and I'm weirdly exhilarated today. As usual, the past few days have been filled with nothing but conflicting emotions ever since I discovered that - and that I -.

Faraway

2011-10-14T05:05:00.002+08:00

It's about my happiness right? But what if sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to? I don't know what's wrong. Can't say much can I? Haven't I already made a decision? Why do I feel myself sinking back to the days before it all happened? Is it true that we can control our fate? Or are we constantly being puppeted by circumstances. Fuck this insomnia man, I hate falling sick. Can't believe I still feel like I'm stuck in a bad drama. I thought I was past that. Ugh I need my sleep.

2011-10-13T15:33:00.001+08:00

Wait wasn't that what I said? Nevermind.
Omg one week +++++ and sch starts again.
Sianzzzzzzzzzz

I Thank God for you (:

2011-10-12T01:53:00.001+08:00

'cause all I need is you.

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2011-10-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

Are you happy now?

*

2011-10-10T19:54:00.001+08:00

The right one at the wrong time.

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2011-10-10T00:16:00.002+08:00

What hurts the most, is being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away.

If I make a choice, I must deal with its consequences.

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2011-10-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

What a whirlwind of events, seriously.

2011-10-04T09:39:00.001+08:00

Burning bridges baby.

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2011-10-03T00:15:00.003+08:00

Siriusly.

I've got so much to say,
and I'm so damn tempted to copy paste conversations and just...

Nvm, I rest my case.

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2011-10-01T02:48:00.002+08:00

3 more wks of hols.

There's nothing much left to say is there?
Whose fault is it now?
Yours or mine?
Who's telling the truth?

I'm baffled and speechless, and utterly perplexed.

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2011-09-28T16:39:00.002+08:00

I hit the big 20 yesterday, no time for tears or fears anymore, been preparing for this. :D

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2011-09-28T00:48:00.002+08:00

Let all of this boil down to nothing, nothing at all. I don't know what's wrong, maybe things are too good to be true, so I'm doubting everything else. But anyway let the contemplation fade away, some things just should just be stashed away forever.

Mind over matter.

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2011-09-25T18:35:00.001+08:00

And it's not so bad, you're just the best I ever had. And I want you to move on, so I'm already gone.

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2011-09-21T09:56:00.001+08:00

I know that this is a feeling that I just can't fight, you're the first and last thing on my mind.

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2011-09-20T01:09:00.001+08:00

There's this particular song that would best describe the situation I'm in now.

2011-09-17T11:47:00.002+08:00

Too much running through my head, not good man seriously. I should've been preparing for exams but? Haha that explains everything, no point whining over wasted time anyway. Gotta filter some thoughts and tuck them away in a place where no one else would find. I can't keep going on like this. Gotta make a decision even if it's gonna send my head spinning, cause it's for the best. After exams I suppose.

Am I just making a mountain out of a molehill? Or would I just like to think it's not of such importance.

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2011-09-15T21:22:00.001+08:00

Ugh my mind's a mess. I feel like crap. I've been feeling too much lately.

I thought I had you figured out.

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2011-09-14T03:03:00.001+08:00

OMFG google plus adds all the photos you've ever uploaded to your blog onto your profile and it just dragged me down memory lane.

I'm dumbfounded.

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2011-09-11T03:53:00.002+08:00

I'm being straddled between what's right, and wrong. But, who are we to determine what's best for the future? The Dos and Don'ts should've been clear right from the start, I let my guard down assuming nothing would come around to catch me at my most vulnerable. There's too much left to know.

I don't want to know.
If I make a choice, I can't back out.
Fullstop.

My thoughts have been very provocative lately, causing chains of heavy contemplation, at least I know my brain's functioning better now, hopefully geared up for the right reasons.

I'm left with 9 days to study 4 University level modules. Am I cool or cool?

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2011-09-09T02:19:00.002+08:00

My fats, omg, they taunt me. Maybe I'm just too image conscious, but OMG, my fats are like mutating into the epitome of grotesque. DISGUSTING. Cannot tahan sia, well at least I'm not about to go on my usual "all veg and meat and no carbs" diet since I've finally realized it never lasts long. I'm gonna get things done, SLOWLY, but omg, seriously, I'm beginning to get very impatient. No joke man, haven't felt this fat and gross in a long time.

Sigh, image issues, I'll never be able to outgrow them.
Ugh, I really hate being pudgy, I feel like pudding.

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2011-09-06T01:09:00.003+08:00

When do you actually draw the line between really meaning something and saying something mean? Seriously, why do humans love to demean other people just to make themselves look/feel better. We’re constantly focusing on the things that we’re insecure/most confident about when we’re looking at others, so we can make ourselves feel better about our insecurities and boost our confidence when we know we are strong in some area, but do we really have to? to the point where we turn into hypocritical and self-centered creatures? Oh God, can’t we just all stop comparing.

I don't think I know alot,
and I admit, sometimes, it is fun to bitch,
but to what extent?

Maybe my confidence and self worth just lies in an area that's very different from yours. Those two components are terribly lacking, yes, but at least I know I should not be working on them at the expense of someone else.

I wrote this post about 1 1/2 years back, it's time I refreshed my rusting memory.

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2011-09-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

My brain is trying break free from my skull - my head is throbbing like a morphing piece of goo. UGH, there's too much left unsaid and I haven't been able to think and feel properly for the past entire week. Maybe it's just my hormones fucking with me. My paranasal sinus is swollen beyond measure and no clinic is open tomorrow. My principles have been messed up due to everything that's been going on - feelings of annoyance, irritation have led to frustration and this overwhelming urge to just drop everything and succumb to temptation and the ugly side of humanity. My exams are coming in 2 weeks and I've yet to begin revision, am I best or best? I can just wave goodbye to my first trimester.

Maybe I'm just too cool for school.

2011-09-02T22:48:00.001+08:00

I is best, and I've got too many thoughts running through my head now. This really bad 

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2011-08-31T16:06:00.001+08:00

You truly reap what you sow.

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2011-08-31T14:23:00.002+08:00

I don't think I can sustain this much longer. You're not the least bit understanding, not at all, all that matters is my time spent with you and nothing more. You can't need more than you love, if not it's just hypocritical and selfish. Ironically, nearly none of us have the strength to deal with the shit around us so we shape ourselves to go against the current, and we end up changing into people we can't recognize. I can't deal with this much longer, this isn't how it's suppose to work.

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2011-08-30T15:50:00.002+08:00

If I make a choice, I'll need to deal with the good and bad that comes along with my decision. If I choose to not deal with it's negative aspects, I'll have to deal with the consequences.

Feelings don't need reasons.

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2011-08-29T01:01:00.001+08:00

OMG I'M GETTING PHATTER

Inexplicable state of bliss

2011-08-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

Haven't felt this much for quite a while now. Idk if it's a good or bad thing. But either way anyway...... I don't know.

2011-08-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

This is not how it's suppose to be, I can't help but question my sanity.

2011-08-24T15:46:00.002+08:00

Possibilities play out in my mind like an infection. I don't like this.

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2011-08-23T13:01:00.002+08:00

I don't believe in being selfless anymore, rather, giving when necessary. Or do I need to go back to the start?

Love is patient, and kind.
Like I said, we only can love unconditionally if we believe that someone out there loves us unconditionally.

2011-08-22T01:51:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wanted something so fucking badly you'd do anything to get it? I haven't. Maybe that's the reason for my perpetual lack of zest and motivation. I need zen. Ugh.

2011-08-18T17:36:00.001+08:00

Omg, HAHAHAHA I have nothing to say about the results I'm getting in uni, seriously. If I don't buck up I can forget about honors.

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2011-08-17T17:25:00.003+08:00

Fucked beyond measure. OMG I'm not cut out for studying, not cut out for studying at all. I should've just focused on drama. Yea I'm passionate about becoming a psychiatrist, but now I'm not even sure if I'm even in the correct course. FUCK THIS SHIT MAN. ):

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2011-08-16T04:08:00.002+08:00

Motivation crawling back to me? My arse, the weekend completely ruined it. I only have myself to blame, but OMG I should seriously consider putting procrastination as my middle name. No joke. I THOUGHT WE WERE OVER THIS AFTER POLY MAN, DUDE, YOU SHOULD'VE GROWN UP BY NOW.

Maybe I should stop focusing on trying to CHANGE, but trying to ACCEPT it instead, if not this is NOT GG TO WORK OUT OMG.

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2011-08-12T16:38:00.002+08:00

Motivation's crawling back to me, slowly, but finally. I feel so sickly and sleepy ): woke up early to finish up my friends transcription which was due today (45MINUTES LONG LA CB), and I slept for 1 1/2 hours yesterday ): I have two 1000 word essays due next Thursday. Sigh, the more citations the merrier. Looks like it's going to be a other sleepless night on Wednesday again. I always thought I could base my assumptions on my own knowledge and understanding, what a big mistake = Fuckedup (last minute) marks. ):

With regards to personal growth (I feel philosophical today) HAHA I really need to do some reflection, and I will not allow myself to get sucked into the same place I fought so hard to get out of. Striving for acclamation doesn't make you happy, it's about being satisfied with what you have and who you are, and working hard towards improvement for your own personal growth, and not for anyone else. Self actualization is the key :D HAHAHA

I feel so peaceful today, I think its the period. (your hormones are actually at it's most balanced when you're bleeding from below)

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2011-08-10T14:18:00.002+08:00

No matter what, being human, we all have this innate need to prove ourselves to others. We can('t) change that, can('t) we?

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2011-08-08T20:13:00.002+08:00

I feel like every bit of motivation in me has been sucked dry, so what if I've grown out of the depressive stage I had, it doesn't change the fact that certain bad and nearly unchangeable repulsive characteristics of mine still exist

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2011-08-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

UGH why does every weekend need to end so damn quickly. WHY. And it's national day on Tues. ANTHROPOLOGY PRESENTATION ON THURSDAY. Sigh...

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2011-08-04T00:31:00.001+08:00

what the fugs

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2011-08-03T01:30:00.002+08:00

I need to go back to the start, I can't keep going on like this, i've felt worse, but I've never gone so far before. I feel like there's no return, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's too far. Am I reverting back to my old ways again? Perhaps, I'm stronger but that doesn't mean I don't have my days, and nights.

I found You, but I lost You again.
And I don't think You'd want me back after the amount of sin I've committed.

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2011-07-30T15:29:00.001+08:00

Complete and utter lack of motivation. !@#$%#$@#1

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2011-07-28T01:32:00.001+08:00

I can't make this over, not this time, that was the last straw.

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2011-07-27T03:43:00.003+08:00

I don't know how many more times I'm going to allow you to bring me up and break me down. I've been giving you so many fucking reasons, over and over again. Snap out of it Goddamnit, and get a hold of yourself, your past does not equate to you, stop fucking blaming everything else and start changing. If you feel that there's no need to change, then forget it. I can't stick with this anymore.

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2011-07-26T15:59:00.002+08:00

I feel like just dropping everything I have right now.

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2011-07-25T03:08:00.002+08:00

I'm completely thrown off guard. No, maybe I saw this all along, but I chose not to believe that things got this bad. Either way anyway, my emotions are pretty messed up now and I can't figure whether or not I'm being subjectively bias towards your behaviour. Or maybe I'm just afraid for tomorrows test. I didn't really read through the textbook, but I did listen in class so I suppose it should help a fair bit.

Haha why do I even bother questioning myself when I obviously know the answer, I guess that's how we cope with things huh. Nah, maybe I really don't know the answer. Perhaps some things just shouldn't matter.

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2011-07-23T14:19:00.002+08:00

Modesty is the best policy.

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2011-07-21T00:36:00.003+08:00

Fuck this shit, I don't have time, ugh, seriously man. What's wrong with my emotions these days? God knows, I can't multitask, not at all. I have never been this concerned about doing well, and it's terribly unhealthy because all that's weighing on my mind is "I need to fucking start revising now damn it" but guess what? No time, yea I know, make time right, like what? Open my book for 15 mins and then carry on with whatever I need to do? Perhaps that's how it's suppose to work, like, I could be doing notes now instead of blogging. Three cheers for realizing Pearlyn, and oh please, it's not only school that's bugging the living daylights out of me. It's every damn thought racing through my head that makes me feel like puking at this very moment. Every doubt, and every insecurity. And it doesn't help that my throat hurts whenever I swallow my saliva, and my stomach feels like a time bomb, weird analogy I know. Fuck this feeling man, haven't had it for a damn long time and I swear this doesn't feel good at all. I feel like a fat whale who just got swept onto shore.

Breathless and dying.